Neat and Tidy

Things have been relatively quiet in Asperia of late and everyone is cruising along nicely (I know tempting fate right?). Things have been okay enough for my wife and I to watch a series on Netflix called Atypical, it is about a boy of 18 with High functioning autism who has decided that he is in a place where he can try and get a girlfriend. The show is sensitive in its portrayal of autism and I found it very interesting how the family are portrayed and how they each play a part in his life. His sister at one point tells a story of her mum and her referring to Neuro-typicals as NTs and how she misheard that as 'empties'. She goes on to talk about her brother taking up so much space that those around him need to be empty in order to fit him in. I thought this was a wonderful way of describing the effect an Aspy has on those close to them.

While watching I found myself reminiscing on my time spent in Asperia and what i have learned. In actual fact I started thinking about all the things i didn't learn. Yeah i know it makes no sense but what i mean is all the information i have received that had absolutely no relevance to my situation. One example is that over and over again I have been told that kids with Aspergers need their own space and we have to respect that and give it to them. We have found that with our oldest boy this has simply never been the case. In fact the opposite is true and he always wants to be around people. Aspies are often portrayed as shy people, something that holds logic as of course one would be shy and quiet if one did not have the social skills to interact. Again this has not been the case for us and although we constantly have trouble getting him to social situations he is a naturally outgoing person who likes to be around people. For most of his life we have found this to be a curse as he won't back away or duck his head below the parapet but i suspect that later in life this will be his salvation.

Anyway the point I am rambling my way towards is that us neurotypicals have studied those on the spectrum and tried to make sense of what we see by categorising and sorting their behaviours. Our brains are made for organising and sorting in this way and it is the way we make sense of the world around us. However, what I have experienced from here in the middle is utter utter chaos. I know i described it as a roller-coaster in  a previous post but actually that doesn't really do it justice. With a rollercoaster you can see the tracks in front of you and you have a general idea of where it is going to go and when (you can correct me if I am wrong as I have not actually been on that many roller coasters). What is most challenging and most hard to explain is the stuff that happens completely out of left field, the stuff that happens when you are safe and happy and things appear to being okay. Then suddenly you are hit by a freight train.

In the Atypical show the father is watching his daughter running for her school team and takes his eye of the boy who is getting over loaded by someones pony tail flicking in his face. Before you know it the boys has grabbed the pony tail and won't let go and eventually he ends up with a cut hand and the father apologising profusely. After the incident the father apologises for taking his eyes off the situation to concentrate on his daughter. His daughter who is very upset because it soon becomes clear that no-one saw her race. The empties thing again with her brother taking up all the space.

Working on this level of alertness and high anxiety is exhausting for a family and isolating for the siblings of us Asperians. We try our best to share our attention around make sure that everyone is heard and knows they are loved. The problem in our particular corner of Asperia is that we have one who takes up all the space available, one who withdraws,  just wants a quiet life and won't fight for his space (just goes into his room) and one who fights for her space but is often unsympathetic to the needs of others. Happily we are slowly but surely learning how to get along with each other. With slowly improving social skills we are learning to  get along............ for now.............