Frustrating few days in Asperia, culminating in yesterday when I felt like we were standing alone screaming into the ether. Our youngest Asperian has had a rough start to the school year and has only managed to complete a few school days. Actually, I call him an Asperian but last year he actually was not diagnosed with autism. This week was the follow up meeting where we asked the question "so what do we do to help him? He won't open up, he is struggling with relationships at school and he is angry, so very angry. His frustration builds and he shuts down so no-one can speak to him, and he has a habit of running out of class. Last year our psychologist told us about something called PDA -Pathalogical Demand Avoidance which seemed to tick a lot of boxes.
So Mumspie went to the meeting yesterday hoping that she would have some ideas and information to bring to a meeting at school with his new teachers. We know that he has been struggling at school and we know that his medication for ADHD isn't right at the moment. This was the drama post Christmas where his medication was keeping him up all night, after meeting with his paediatrician who told us first to lower the dosage and that it was likely not to be the medication that was keeping him up we tried giving it to him in the morning and hey presto! So we have ended up with him sleeping but him also being under-medicated. We have phoned everyday for a week to get our paediatrician to up the meds ("remember i am just a phone call away") and it took a pretty, shall we say, emotive email yesterday to finally get some movement (we have an appointment tomorrow).
Whilst also struggling to get hold of his psychologist and not getting much joy out of the organisation that gives out the diagnoses. We have found out that no-one there has even heard of PDA, even though it was included in the Autism Diagnosis information last October. At this point I am feeling like I am simultaneously screaming into the abyss and trying to work out how I can get my Asperians to book there melt downs and difficulties in a couple of months in advance so I can get the relevant appointments organised.
So yesterday he had the day off school and we were all reaching the end of our tether. Mumspie and I spent some time last night discussing what we should do to help him (and yelling at each other a bit). The answer we were given to the question"What do we do to help him?" was a little mealy mouthed to say the least. We were given a number of a psychologist who specialises in family relationships. While I don't doubt that this would be very useful to us I was hoping for something a little more immediate. By the time they have untangled the birds nest that is Asperia we are not really getting to the heart of youngest Aspie's difficulties. So our thoughts were to continue to investigate the idea of PDA that the psychologist talked about. Since our non diagnosis our question now has the important sub question "how are we going to pay for it?"
Today I had organised the day off work to attend a meeting at High School about oldest Aspie, who is doing fantastically by the way. I was so proud to sit in that meeting and listen to how well he is doing. He is playing downball with some friends at recess and lunch and finding ways to work with the teachers that he doesn't particularly like. A small step for most children, a giant leap for us in Asperia.
Before our High School meeting we went to the Doctors to get a mental health plan so youngest Aspy can keep seeing the psychologist. The doctor was fantastic. As we tried to condense our problems into the 15 minute allocated time our message was a little confused (much like this post). Although we shouldn't have worried as once the doc got going it was clear that the 15 minutes is only a guideline. So in the confusion he thought we wanted to get funding for the family psychology. When we corrected him and told him that we wanted to go with the psychologist and PDA he started banging on about how alternative therapies can be useful on some occasions. He looked at me very blankly and a little taken aback when I told him that PDA wasn't an alternative therapy it was part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis. Back to screaming into the abyss.
So we go and drop the boy off the school. This was to say the least a struggle, it took both mumspie and I and his teacher to get him into class. Lots of tears and lots of stress for all of us. Interestingly it was an old friend of mine whose wise words helped to shift the situation to success. During our investigations into Pathological Demand Avoidance I have done a fair bit of self diagnosing and believe that this was responsible for much of my childhood frustration (there was a lot). In my early 20's I was working with my aforementioned friend and he told me when I was moaning about having to go to work that everything i did was my choice. This little bit of wisdom has eased many a situation for me and turned those 'demands' into choices. So I gave my youngest a choice "Go to school and enjoy extended ipad time when he got home, as well as a magnum (the gold standard of rewards here in Asperia) or go home now and hand in his ipad at the door. We stood back for a couple of minutes waiting for him to get up and take the second option. He didn't and from that point on things were a little easier for him. By a little I mean that we were taking baby steps to get into the classroom (not literally) but baby steps are better than nothing.
On the way into class we solved problems and he opened up to us about some of the things that were bothering him over the last couple of weeks. With the help of his teacher we solved the problems and dried his eyes, getting ever closer to our goal. The happy ending is that he had a good day while at school, well according to his teacher anyway. According to him it was 'alright.........I don't want to talk about it. After not being able to talk to the paediatrician about his medication we decided to give him a ritalin on top of his other stuff which also seemed to work well. He has been acutely anxious about the fact that his ADHD behaviours are drawing so much attention his way. So this is a major step forward for him, well, you know, baby step.
Over the last few days we have gone from stumbling around in the dark stepping on lego to some chinks of light breaking through to light our way. The most important of these is that youngest Aspie has spoken to us about one of the incidents at school and started to open up about some of the things that he is struggling with. Our main frustration has been how completely and totally he clams up whenever something happens. This means that we cannot, and the psychologist cannot deal with anything as we have no idea what is going on. We have a psychologist appointment and an appointment with the paediatrician coming up so hopefully we can break in more light and turn those baby steps into toddler steps. I would also like to add that we are far from alone with our screaming, we have the support of his school and friends around to scream with us.
Thanks for reading my blog again and indulging me in blurting out my thoughts and experiences in such a haphazard manner.
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Another Diagnosis
So today we had our final meeting with CAMHs (Children & Adult Mental Health Service to see how they would diagnose our girl. We have long since noticed that she had many traits of ASD and obviously this blog is all about the challenges and joys of living in a house on the spectrum. She has been given a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder and it has surprised me how that news has rocked me.
My head certainly says that this is a good thing. It means that we know what we are dealing with and that we can access NDIS and get her the support she needs. I have read a few things about ASD in girls and how hard it is to diagnose and was concerned when the psychologist was asking us questions about her early life as to my memory is was not present, or at least obvious. To me the ASD has emerged from within her over the last few years. I assume that it will continue to do as time moves on. So, logic is telling me that this is a good thing and that we can face the future armed with the necessary knowledge and tools to give her the help she is going to need.
This, of course (I suppose) doesn't mean that it is not difficult to hear. My beautiful, funny, quirky, girl that can have me in a fit of rage, then a fit of laughter separated by mere moments has a 'disorder'. I still don't like that part of the acronym. I know that ASD is a spectrum and that a major part of the diagnosis is a lacking of social skills, but when I look at my kids and other kids I know on the spectrum I see so much more than a 'disorder'. I see amazing minds that see the world in a way that I can not. I hear amazing ideas, amazing knowledge and amazing passion in their chosen interests. If it is true that they have a disorder when it comes social skills or sensory interactions then surely us NT (Neuro Typicals) have a disorder when it comes to knowing every fact about a subjects or having a photographic memory or seeing links between things or finding systems or connections or getting back up to face a hostile and unknowing world. Maybe we should accept that we all have disorders in parts of our lives? I have noticed mine when, for example, playing netball (it is not a pretty sight).
I am sure we all have times when we feel like a fish out of water and we can remember how stressful and disorientating that feels. I also suspect that often we choose to do that thing as little as possible in the future. It seems a little sad to me that we don't get labelled with a disorder when in those situations but people on the spectrum when out of their comfort zone do. Perhaps this is because as a society we place a huge importance on correct social interactions. 'Manners are really important", "Look people in the eye when you talk to them", "make sure you have a firm handshake" etc etc. But who gets to decide what is correct?
I think I digressed a little there. The point is that I will continue to see my girl for the marvel that she is. I want her diagnosis to be a chance for us to help her to understand the world and its inhabitants a little better. Maybe we can even teach the world a little about her too.
While I have been writing this, the inhabitants of Asperia have been watching Forest Gump. (most of us are sick at the momemnt so we are not being very dynamic). They are all entranced by Tom Hanks and his antics trying to fit in in the world. However in a strangely regular rhythm the film is interrupted but a comment by one of the kids. The comment is then followed by a 'shush' or 'be quiet' by one of the others. As much as it feels a little like water torture I can't help but think that this is where were are going to learn some acceptance, tolerance and appreciation of others. Doing things together, I mean, not watching Forest Gump. Tom Hanks is good, but not that good.
P.S. I asked her earlier if she had any questions for me about the diagnosis. She paused the video she was watching of a youtuber with Autism and looked at me. After a long pause that involved me wondering what she was going to ask and if i would have a decent answer for it, she said "Can I have another cat?"
My head certainly says that this is a good thing. It means that we know what we are dealing with and that we can access NDIS and get her the support she needs. I have read a few things about ASD in girls and how hard it is to diagnose and was concerned when the psychologist was asking us questions about her early life as to my memory is was not present, or at least obvious. To me the ASD has emerged from within her over the last few years. I assume that it will continue to do as time moves on. So, logic is telling me that this is a good thing and that we can face the future armed with the necessary knowledge and tools to give her the help she is going to need.
This, of course (I suppose) doesn't mean that it is not difficult to hear. My beautiful, funny, quirky, girl that can have me in a fit of rage, then a fit of laughter separated by mere moments has a 'disorder'. I still don't like that part of the acronym. I know that ASD is a spectrum and that a major part of the diagnosis is a lacking of social skills, but when I look at my kids and other kids I know on the spectrum I see so much more than a 'disorder'. I see amazing minds that see the world in a way that I can not. I hear amazing ideas, amazing knowledge and amazing passion in their chosen interests. If it is true that they have a disorder when it comes social skills or sensory interactions then surely us NT (Neuro Typicals) have a disorder when it comes to knowing every fact about a subjects or having a photographic memory or seeing links between things or finding systems or connections or getting back up to face a hostile and unknowing world. Maybe we should accept that we all have disorders in parts of our lives? I have noticed mine when, for example, playing netball (it is not a pretty sight).
I am sure we all have times when we feel like a fish out of water and we can remember how stressful and disorientating that feels. I also suspect that often we choose to do that thing as little as possible in the future. It seems a little sad to me that we don't get labelled with a disorder when in those situations but people on the spectrum when out of their comfort zone do. Perhaps this is because as a society we place a huge importance on correct social interactions. 'Manners are really important", "Look people in the eye when you talk to them", "make sure you have a firm handshake" etc etc. But who gets to decide what is correct?
I think I digressed a little there. The point is that I will continue to see my girl for the marvel that she is. I want her diagnosis to be a chance for us to help her to understand the world and its inhabitants a little better. Maybe we can even teach the world a little about her too.
While I have been writing this, the inhabitants of Asperia have been watching Forest Gump. (most of us are sick at the momemnt so we are not being very dynamic). They are all entranced by Tom Hanks and his antics trying to fit in in the world. However in a strangely regular rhythm the film is interrupted but a comment by one of the kids. The comment is then followed by a 'shush' or 'be quiet' by one of the others. As much as it feels a little like water torture I can't help but think that this is where were are going to learn some acceptance, tolerance and appreciation of others. Doing things together, I mean, not watching Forest Gump. Tom Hanks is good, but not that good.
P.S. I asked her earlier if she had any questions for me about the diagnosis. She paused the video she was watching of a youtuber with Autism and looked at me. After a long pause that involved me wondering what she was going to ask and if i would have a decent answer for it, she said "Can I have another cat?"
Thursday, September 6, 2018
A Year is a Long Time in Asperia
Hello, good evening and welcome. You thought I had gone but alas I am both still here and back in (almost) equal measure. I have been thinking about writing another entry to this blog for ages, well about a year apparently (where did that go?). Well here I am finally getting around to it. Thankfully I a little push (you know who you are, and to you i say thank you for the nudge in the right direction).
Now I am back I am not going to bore you with all the news from Asperia from the last year (okay well actually i probably will a bit). One thing I will say though is that our oldest aspy has come on in leaps and bounds over the last year. He is attending school, going to most of his lessons and perhaps most importantly playing football (Soccer - from hence forth referred to as football, unaustralian I know, if we can keep a PM in the post for long enough they can deport me) every week and attending training most sessions. Oldest aspy has learnt that people are not as frightening as he sometimes thinks and has even told me on a number of occasions how much he likes being on the bench at football so he can have a laugh with his team mates. I am so proud of him for growing into a wonderful, thoughtful, kind and considerate teenager, just as many of his contemporaries are growing hunches, hairy knuckles and horns.
We still have the obsessive behaviour that dictates that we need to watch an ever expanding rotation of British comedy at least 6 times over and over before we move onto the next. So far he has ruined......erm..... I mean ...... enjoyed; Would I Lie to You, Friday Night Dinner, The IT Crowd, Fawlty Towers and currently James Acaster doing stand up. What amazes me the most about him is that he has become a thoughtful and caring young man. Recently we have been going to a rough patch with the other two (More about that later) and I have been pretty down at points. He will often ask if he can help, offer to play FIFA with me (read, beat me at FIFA) or do something else to try and help.
True to form we don't have too much time to spend on being proud of the boy and of ourselves for all of the work we have put in. Like the whack a mole game once we get to grips with one problem another jumps up (not Robinson Crusoe there I know) I am sure I mentioned that we were in the process of getting the other two diagnosed. We still are, as the wheels turn slow for the Asperia organisation. Our final meeting for our daughter is next week and we are fully expecting a non- diagnosis for her as during her assessment she turned in a performance worthy of great actors like Stefan Dennis. You have never seen such an outgoing and socially at ease child. She was cracking jokes, looking the examiner in the eye, laughing and joking with everyone (including her brothers). I say you have never seen such a thing and one thing is for sure, we haven't seen that child before or since. First rule of Asperia, keep everyone on their toes. If someone thinks they have a handle on you, change it up quick. However, as if not to be defeated we have got her a diagnosis of dyslexia. She has struggled with reading and writing for years, her spelling is a particular are of challenge for her and it is a huge shame that this has quashed her love of telling stories. When she was at kinder she would regale with amazing tall tales and a flights of fancy about her day all while Dylan would be screaming "its not true, why are you believing her? She's lying!" as tears of frustration rolled down his cheek. Since she discovered she is dyslexic and 'not dumb' we are seeing an improvement in social skills, as well as a flicker of her passion for writing that we feared was dead and buried (I have added her story at the end of this post - apologies for the unashamedly proud dad moment). As well as (hopefully) rekindling her love of story telling she has also become more confident and widened her social circle a bit, okay its just a bit but that still counts! She is still playing football too and it is great to see her interacting with her team mates both socially and during games and training.
So onto the youngest aspy in Asperia, and I have a feeling I might be writing a lot about him in the coming weeks (or years if I keep up my current rate of posting) so I will keep this reasonably brief. We have been thrown a huge curveball (hmmmm not happy with the baseball analogy, need to find a football one. Maybe one of those free kicks that moves about all over the place?) over the last year or so and has taken up the mantle of ensuring my hair goes grey and my nerves are frazzled before i even think about retirement. We are hoping that he will have a diagnosis of Autism/Aspergers in the next few weeks so we can start to get NDIS funding to help him with sensory, psychology and pragmatics. I must admit that I haven't been sure of his diagnosis but the last few months has proven my good lady wife correct (don't you hate that!). At a meeting with his psychologist we discussed the possibility of him having something called PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). I am not going to try and explain it as I haven't really got a handle on it myself yet. Having said that though some of the ideas contained in it ring true to my childhood and I think that I have first hand understanding of some of the anger and frustration that my lad is feeling at the moment. Sadly this isn't really helping me with strategies and solutions to help him. If i am honest it feels in many ways that we are back at the start again and I will confess that it all feels just as daunting as it did the first time around. I know that this time I have some skills and understandings that took a long time to develop the first time, so this has got to help, right? I also know that I am going to have to learn a whole lot more only relevant to this situation and this member of Asperia. We are quite convinced that trying to sell up and move house is not helping the situation. It is hard for little aspies when things are so uncertain. I am sure this will feature in future blogs, should I manage to get off my arse, get my arse off screen and get writing more regularly. Please, if you can spare a minute please encourage me by leaving a comment on here or on facebook, or even use that old school communication method and say it face to face.
Middle Aspy Daughter Writing
Rusty as a kitty pet:
A tiny flame covered kitten hisses and mews as the monsters roar past him. The monster pulls over, doors open, two legs jump out. The two legs grabs the tiny kitten from the boot of the monster and takes it into their warm home. He sniffs the air and smells another cat. He looks around and jumps on an old fashioned couch. A black and white cat, behind the glass, startles him as he looks out the window. His fur bristles as he falls off the couch. He hisses at the cat and the cat walks stealthily off. He hears the shaking of cat food and he pounds into the kitchen. He sniffs his food; it seems plain and doesn’t look appetizing. He takes a bite; it has no flavor at all but he eats it anyway and goes to investigate the house.
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Neat and Tidy
Things have been relatively quiet in Asperia of late and everyone is cruising along nicely (I know tempting fate right?). Things have been okay enough for my wife and I to watch a series on Netflix called Atypical, it is about a boy of 18 with High functioning autism who has decided that he is in a place where he can try and get a girlfriend. The show is sensitive in its portrayal of autism and I found it very interesting how the family are portrayed and how they each play a part in his life. His sister at one point tells a story of her mum and her referring to Neuro-typicals as NTs and how she misheard that as 'empties'. She goes on to talk about her brother taking up so much space that those around him need to be empty in order to fit him in. I thought this was a wonderful way of describing the effect an Aspy has on those close to them.
While watching I found myself reminiscing on my time spent in Asperia and what i have learned. In actual fact I started thinking about all the things i didn't learn. Yeah i know it makes no sense but what i mean is all the information i have received that had absolutely no relevance to my situation. One example is that over and over again I have been told that kids with Aspergers need their own space and we have to respect that and give it to them. We have found that with our oldest boy this has simply never been the case. In fact the opposite is true and he always wants to be around people. Aspies are often portrayed as shy people, something that holds logic as of course one would be shy and quiet if one did not have the social skills to interact. Again this has not been the case for us and although we constantly have trouble getting him to social situations he is a naturally outgoing person who likes to be around people. For most of his life we have found this to be a curse as he won't back away or duck his head below the parapet but i suspect that later in life this will be his salvation.
Anyway the point I am rambling my way towards is that us neurotypicals have studied those on the spectrum and tried to make sense of what we see by categorising and sorting their behaviours. Our brains are made for organising and sorting in this way and it is the way we make sense of the world around us. However, what I have experienced from here in the middle is utter utter chaos. I know i described it as a roller-coaster in a previous post but actually that doesn't really do it justice. With a rollercoaster you can see the tracks in front of you and you have a general idea of where it is going to go and when (you can correct me if I am wrong as I have not actually been on that many roller coasters). What is most challenging and most hard to explain is the stuff that happens completely out of left field, the stuff that happens when you are safe and happy and things appear to being okay. Then suddenly you are hit by a freight train.
In the Atypical show the father is watching his daughter running for her school team and takes his eye of the boy who is getting over loaded by someones pony tail flicking in his face. Before you know it the boys has grabbed the pony tail and won't let go and eventually he ends up with a cut hand and the father apologising profusely. After the incident the father apologises for taking his eyes off the situation to concentrate on his daughter. His daughter who is very upset because it soon becomes clear that no-one saw her race. The empties thing again with her brother taking up all the space.
Working on this level of alertness and high anxiety is exhausting for a family and isolating for the siblings of us Asperians. We try our best to share our attention around make sure that everyone is heard and knows they are loved. The problem in our particular corner of Asperia is that we have one who takes up all the space available, one who withdraws, just wants a quiet life and won't fight for his space (just goes into his room) and one who fights for her space but is often unsympathetic to the needs of others. Happily we are slowly but surely learning how to get along with each other. With slowly improving social skills we are learning to get along............ for now.............
Thursday, August 10, 2017
I'm a Loser
My oldest boy told my wife that he thinks he is a loser and useless because he is still struggling at school despite all the help that he receives from both us and the school. This is obviously a heartbreaking thing to hear but coupled with my wife also witnessed boys calling out his name in a sarcastic high pitched voice. You know the kind of piss-taking voice that I am talking about (if you don't you can count yourself lucky). She asked him how often this kind of thing happened and he told her 'everyday' and often from people he doesn't even know. The problem is that through his behaviours at school (especially those enacted when he has lost the plot and is making extremely vocal, visual and loud poor decisions) he has gained notoriety and a reputation as someone whose button's are easy to press. Unsurprisingly, I am sure you will agree, this is something that keeps me awake at night especially because I can't see him changing those behaviours for some time yet as they are so ingrained in him when he is struggling. I know exactly how tantalising someone like this is to many types of people with many different motivations. I have been on both ends of this particular relationship although I am proud to say that from an early age I generally knew where the line was and that I had little motivation to cross it (I won't pretend I didn't cross it from time to time). I guess this stems from having been on the receiving end for a prolonged period of my childhood.
The point here though is that no-one really knows the crap that some people go through to get to general levels of normality. We offer prizes and awards for people that achieve incredible things but maybe we should offer the same for people that achieve insignificant things through surmounting incredible obstacles. The fact is that for my boy and others just like him, to achieve simple things like attending a whole day at school takes incredible acts of perseverance, bravery, self-control and self-discipline. The irony is that he has to do all these things without the self-awareness to even know that he is doing them. This is especially acute on the days after a major incident when I watch with awe and wonder as he picks himself up, dusts himself down and goes at it again (this may be a couple of days later but still impressive). So the comment the other night was both heartbreaking and revealing. It revealed that he is more self-aware than I gave him credit for and actually he understands far more about what is going on around him than I assumed.
This all brings me back to that old saying about not judging others until you have walked a mile in their shoes (then you'll be a mile away from them and you'll have their shoes). We all have our crosses to bear and we all have shit that we are dealing with, our own private battles we are fighting, camouflaged by the smile we wear as war paint to get us through another day. In my job as a teacher I have spoken to so many parents that have described a totally different child from the one I see at school. Children who never put a foot wrong at school acting out at home. Children working so hard to do the right thing at school and put the effort into upholding the expected standards that when they get home they have nothing left to give. I am sure that there is hours and hours of research to be done on this subject and many many theories on the matter but what I see is kids like my boy trying so hard to just tread water, to just get through. Maybe we should recognise that a bit more and give them the credit that their efforts deserve. I want to salute my boy for getting up every day and doing it all again, sometimes making a right pig's ear of it but getting up and doing it again. He is never going to get the award for doing this seemly low-level stuff but he certainly deserves it just as much as those that are high achievers from a solid foundation.
On two lighter notes, I found out at dinner that my daughter was asked to write five poems about her family members at school today. She decided to write one about herself, one about our cat Tyrion (her husband), one about our other cat Reni (her 'grandma' who died recently) and the last two about our kittens Willow and Banacattallata (Tyrion and her 'children'). I am not sure that this was what her teacher meant and, seriously!! I have to work with the people who mark this stuff. Then my youngest son went to have a shower. When he had finished daughter followed him in for a shower and called me in to come see. Youngest son had stuffed all his clothes under the bath mat, making it look like a blue towelly model of Uluru. This after I had praised him at dinner for putting all the clothes on the bathroom floor in the wash this morning. I just asked him why he did this and he looked a little embarrassed (like he thought no-one would notice) and a little worried. Once I smiled he laughed and shook his head. So I left that one, who knows what was going to through his mind. We also just received an email about how well oldest boy is doing writing a narrative in English class.
One thing is for sure, there is never a dull moment in Aspyeria. And the inhabitants will always keep you guessing and often entertained.
The point here though is that no-one really knows the crap that some people go through to get to general levels of normality. We offer prizes and awards for people that achieve incredible things but maybe we should offer the same for people that achieve insignificant things through surmounting incredible obstacles. The fact is that for my boy and others just like him, to achieve simple things like attending a whole day at school takes incredible acts of perseverance, bravery, self-control and self-discipline. The irony is that he has to do all these things without the self-awareness to even know that he is doing them. This is especially acute on the days after a major incident when I watch with awe and wonder as he picks himself up, dusts himself down and goes at it again (this may be a couple of days later but still impressive). So the comment the other night was both heartbreaking and revealing. It revealed that he is more self-aware than I gave him credit for and actually he understands far more about what is going on around him than I assumed.
This all brings me back to that old saying about not judging others until you have walked a mile in their shoes (then you'll be a mile away from them and you'll have their shoes). We all have our crosses to bear and we all have shit that we are dealing with, our own private battles we are fighting, camouflaged by the smile we wear as war paint to get us through another day. In my job as a teacher I have spoken to so many parents that have described a totally different child from the one I see at school. Children who never put a foot wrong at school acting out at home. Children working so hard to do the right thing at school and put the effort into upholding the expected standards that when they get home they have nothing left to give. I am sure that there is hours and hours of research to be done on this subject and many many theories on the matter but what I see is kids like my boy trying so hard to just tread water, to just get through. Maybe we should recognise that a bit more and give them the credit that their efforts deserve. I want to salute my boy for getting up every day and doing it all again, sometimes making a right pig's ear of it but getting up and doing it again. He is never going to get the award for doing this seemly low-level stuff but he certainly deserves it just as much as those that are high achievers from a solid foundation.
On two lighter notes, I found out at dinner that my daughter was asked to write five poems about her family members at school today. She decided to write one about herself, one about our cat Tyrion (her husband), one about our other cat Reni (her 'grandma' who died recently) and the last two about our kittens Willow and Banacattallata (Tyrion and her 'children'). I am not sure that this was what her teacher meant and, seriously!! I have to work with the people who mark this stuff. Then my youngest son went to have a shower. When he had finished daughter followed him in for a shower and called me in to come see. Youngest son had stuffed all his clothes under the bath mat, making it look like a blue towelly model of Uluru. This after I had praised him at dinner for putting all the clothes on the bathroom floor in the wash this morning. I just asked him why he did this and he looked a little embarrassed (like he thought no-one would notice) and a little worried. Once I smiled he laughed and shook his head. So I left that one, who knows what was going to through his mind. We also just received an email about how well oldest boy is doing writing a narrative in English class.
One thing is for sure, there is never a dull moment in Aspyeria. And the inhabitants will always keep you guessing and often entertained.
Monday, July 31, 2017
The Perfect Hatrick
Wasn't it Ronan Keating from Boyzone who said that 'Life is a Rollercoaster and you've just got to ride it." Well as much as I disliked his music I must concede that in this instance he was correct. although if I remember rightly (I had to google it) is also said "Love me for a reason and let the reason be love" Which is a most ridiculous truism, so I am not going to nominate him for any literary or philosophical awards.
Anyway back to the point, life is a rollercoaster and this week has felt like a trip to the Asperia version of Disneyland. Which would, of course, be very quiet, ordered and lacking in people dressed up in suits and masks as they would freak the inhabitants out (or is that just me). Anyway, the week started with getting oldest boy back to school after the incidents of last week. Of course having to deal with this on a Monday morning meant that he couldn't cope with the rest of the day so he came home. A bit of bad planning there meant that we had to go through it all again on the Tuesday (well I say we, I had very little to do with it).
After this shaky start, we had a reasonably positive week and things felt normal in Asperia. Normal? what am I talking about? like there is a normal, "yeah what's normal then?" Jimmy screaming at his dad in Quadrophenia still echoes through my brain at the very thought of it. This is the same as the idea of 'Should' what people 'should' be doing is neither here nor there let's act on what is really happening. So anyway back to the point, we were having a fairly positive week, the little Asperians were getting on (well sort of, you know) and Mrs Asperian and I were lulling ourselves into a false sense of security.
Then Friday arrived and we recieve a call from one school that Oldest Boy has kicked someone, closely followed by the other school telling us that Youngest Boy has punched someone. I couldn't help expecting a call about Daughter having headbutted someone! Could this be considered the perfect hat-trick of violent outbursts? like the perfect hat-trick in football* (left foot, right foot and header for those uninitiated in that game).
* (soccer for those of you reading in Australian).
After spending some time reflecting on the thugs that I have managed to raise (and me a pacifist!) it turned out to be not as bad as it seemed, not that it was that good but you know, we must look at the positives. The weekend couldn't come soon enough in Aspreria especially for my good lady wife who had just about reached the end of her tether but Friday night. I suggested that she went out for the day and left me with the young Asperians on Saturday. A suggestion that she greeted with relief, all be it mixed with a certain sense of foreboding as my track record for keeping calm in said situations is not immaculate.
After a very pleasant morning and a workable lunch, I made a deal with younglings. They could enjoy an afternoon basking in the pleasures of the blacklit glow of various screens, if they allowed me time, space and quiet to indulge in some Garage Bandery. Since playing with my old band back in the UK I had one of our songs worming its way through my mind for a couple of weeks, and I wanted to record it (maybe you can hear it when it is finished!). So the afternoon was a success for all concerned and we even enjoyed some take away for dinner.
And what does one do in these situations? well in this case one decide to push ones luck and let the angelic Asperians stay up late and watch Tangled together. They had been so loverley together all day, what could go wrong?
Well seeing as you asked........ with what couldn't have been more than 2 minutes of the film remaining (I exaggerate not, I had just been into them and there was 6 and a half minutes left) we hear the blood curdling scream of an Asperian in pain. On rushing in I am presented with an amost perfect inprint of youngest's teeth marks. I was tempted to whip out the plaster of paris to take a mold in the hope I could save money at the dentist's one day. Youngest Boy rushed into his room screaming at everyone and as he ran down the hall we noticed the huge, bleeding scratch marks down his back! "Didn't we almost have it all?" sung Whitney Houston in all honesty not in premontion of my day in 2017 but on the money all the same.
Obviously, the only thing to do in this situation is to turn to the wisdom of 80's/90's pop stars. ex boy band members if possible (not looking at you 5ive) but Whitney when necessary. "You've gotta get high before you taste the lows" Robbie Williams crooned** (yeah I know that's not what he meant). Our Asperian realm came crashing down around our ears once again, how can we face another false dawn. What on earth is going to happen at Sunday morning football? (See first asterix, (this is getting complicated)). Well as it turned out Oldest boy did the whole thing, getting ready, team talk, playing the game, half time, shaking hands at the end, the whole damn shooting match without a single tear, cross word or any upset...... and to top it all he scored our only goal against the mighty Rangers.
**last one I promise
Middle girl didn't do quite so well as she had a massive asthma attack because she has developed an allergy to something (confirmed at the doctors today) and had to leave early. Still we are making progress and things are looking up. To be frank Ronan you can stick your roller coaster where the sun don't shine. I will settle for a nice calm (and level) model train ride. Perhaps this is what theme parks look like in Asperia? Nice, gentle and calm because one need to escape from the real terrifying rollercoaster of life.
Anyway, tonight Oldest boy and I had a nice chat about life while kicking the football around in the garden and it felt (almost) normal. So I am going to sign off and watch Game of Thrones. One more thing though (yes, honestly), I want to thank everyone who read my last blog and everyone that said such nice things to me about it. It is wonderful to know how much support and understanding there is out there for us Asperians. I told Oldest boy that it was all going to be alright, and right here, right now I beleive it............ but here comes the corkscrew honing into view.
Anyway back to the point, life is a rollercoaster and this week has felt like a trip to the Asperia version of Disneyland. Which would, of course, be very quiet, ordered and lacking in people dressed up in suits and masks as they would freak the inhabitants out (or is that just me). Anyway, the week started with getting oldest boy back to school after the incidents of last week. Of course having to deal with this on a Monday morning meant that he couldn't cope with the rest of the day so he came home. A bit of bad planning there meant that we had to go through it all again on the Tuesday (well I say we, I had very little to do with it).
After this shaky start, we had a reasonably positive week and things felt normal in Asperia. Normal? what am I talking about? like there is a normal, "yeah what's normal then?" Jimmy screaming at his dad in Quadrophenia still echoes through my brain at the very thought of it. This is the same as the idea of 'Should' what people 'should' be doing is neither here nor there let's act on what is really happening. So anyway back to the point, we were having a fairly positive week, the little Asperians were getting on (well sort of, you know) and Mrs Asperian and I were lulling ourselves into a false sense of security.
Then Friday arrived and we recieve a call from one school that Oldest Boy has kicked someone, closely followed by the other school telling us that Youngest Boy has punched someone. I couldn't help expecting a call about Daughter having headbutted someone! Could this be considered the perfect hat-trick of violent outbursts? like the perfect hat-trick in football* (left foot, right foot and header for those uninitiated in that game).
* (soccer for those of you reading in Australian).
After spending some time reflecting on the thugs that I have managed to raise (and me a pacifist!) it turned out to be not as bad as it seemed, not that it was that good but you know, we must look at the positives. The weekend couldn't come soon enough in Aspreria especially for my good lady wife who had just about reached the end of her tether but Friday night. I suggested that she went out for the day and left me with the young Asperians on Saturday. A suggestion that she greeted with relief, all be it mixed with a certain sense of foreboding as my track record for keeping calm in said situations is not immaculate.
After a very pleasant morning and a workable lunch, I made a deal with younglings. They could enjoy an afternoon basking in the pleasures of the blacklit glow of various screens, if they allowed me time, space and quiet to indulge in some Garage Bandery. Since playing with my old band back in the UK I had one of our songs worming its way through my mind for a couple of weeks, and I wanted to record it (maybe you can hear it when it is finished!). So the afternoon was a success for all concerned and we even enjoyed some take away for dinner.
And what does one do in these situations? well in this case one decide to push ones luck and let the angelic Asperians stay up late and watch Tangled together. They had been so loverley together all day, what could go wrong?
Well seeing as you asked........ with what couldn't have been more than 2 minutes of the film remaining (I exaggerate not, I had just been into them and there was 6 and a half minutes left) we hear the blood curdling scream of an Asperian in pain. On rushing in I am presented with an amost perfect inprint of youngest's teeth marks. I was tempted to whip out the plaster of paris to take a mold in the hope I could save money at the dentist's one day. Youngest Boy rushed into his room screaming at everyone and as he ran down the hall we noticed the huge, bleeding scratch marks down his back! "Didn't we almost have it all?" sung Whitney Houston in all honesty not in premontion of my day in 2017 but on the money all the same.
Obviously, the only thing to do in this situation is to turn to the wisdom of 80's/90's pop stars. ex boy band members if possible (not looking at you 5ive) but Whitney when necessary. "You've gotta get high before you taste the lows" Robbie Williams crooned** (yeah I know that's not what he meant). Our Asperian realm came crashing down around our ears once again, how can we face another false dawn. What on earth is going to happen at Sunday morning football? (See first asterix, (this is getting complicated)). Well as it turned out Oldest boy did the whole thing, getting ready, team talk, playing the game, half time, shaking hands at the end, the whole damn shooting match without a single tear, cross word or any upset...... and to top it all he scored our only goal against the mighty Rangers.
**last one I promise
Middle girl didn't do quite so well as she had a massive asthma attack because she has developed an allergy to something (confirmed at the doctors today) and had to leave early. Still we are making progress and things are looking up. To be frank Ronan you can stick your roller coaster where the sun don't shine. I will settle for a nice calm (and level) model train ride. Perhaps this is what theme parks look like in Asperia? Nice, gentle and calm because one need to escape from the real terrifying rollercoaster of life.
Anyway, tonight Oldest boy and I had a nice chat about life while kicking the football around in the garden and it felt (almost) normal. So I am going to sign off and watch Game of Thrones. One more thing though (yes, honestly), I want to thank everyone who read my last blog and everyone that said such nice things to me about it. It is wonderful to know how much support and understanding there is out there for us Asperians. I told Oldest boy that it was all going to be alright, and right here, right now I beleive it............ but here comes the corkscrew honing into view.
Sunday, July 23, 2017
First Post
I really don't know what will happen with this blog just like I really don't know what is going to happen each and every day in Asperia. You see I live with 3 Aspy children, one diagnosed along with ADHD, one in the process of being diagnosed and one undiagnosed but diagnosed with ADHD. And all suffering from anxiety. How did this happen? What did we do wrong? Yep, these are questions that regularly pass through the minds of my wife and I.
So as I say we never know what is going to happen from one day to the next. Well, I say that but really a number of things are virtually guaranteed. A phone call from school, at least one meltdown, several arguments of varying severity and a whole lot of worry.
I have been mulling over creating a blog for a while but have not really known when to start. A recent trip back home to the UK with my younger son? First week back at school for my eldest son and consequent suspension? Or the endless arguments between my daughter and her friends? But I have been keen to make this blog a positive experience, because who wants to sit and read me whinging about the shit that goes down in Asperia, right? Well let's face it there is going to be plenty of that but how about we start with a good day....... (its only 4.00pm, I don't want to tempt fate it could all go wrong yet. So let's say a 'good morning'.
To set the scene we were at our Sunday morning football matches (this is UK football or soccer as people call it in our home of Australia). Both the older two and myself play for a local club and I coach the eldest one's team. This season going to watch the kids play football has become a family event (much to the disgust of the youngest who wants to do nothing apart from watch Stampy videos on the ipad). So what was so great about this morning? (Keep up at the back.....please remember I said 'good' and not 'great'. I don't want to go over board). Well, what was so good about today was that it felt like a morning of football in neuro typical land. A short holiday for us from Asperia and all its special attractions. Asperia is, as I am sure you have fathomed, taken from Aspergers which is a now somewhat outdated sub strand of Autism but to my mind the best descriptions of the goings on in my house. So with your blessing, I am going to continue to use it to name the world in which we make our home.
So this morning was a short but refreshing trip to what we imagine normality to be like. Although I also understand that normal worlds are inhabited by many of the things that we in Asperia like to call our norms. I know this because people tell me this often in an attempt to make me feel less like a tourist in a foreign land I suppose.
Anyway, the reason today was good was that both kids went to football played well, listened to their coach at half time and pre and post game, joined in with the other players, shook hands with the opposition. My eldest boy also scored a goal, won the game and sung the song in the circle with his arms around the rest of the team. This was all done with a minimum of bickering and fighting (mainly because we have just bought in new and tougher consequences whereby the scared screen time is diminished for such behaviour, and in Asperia nothing shall interfere with sacred screen time (yes, yes, I know just like in most houses).
Not the most devastating outcomes that humankind has achieved I will concede but here in Asperia mornings like these don't come along very often and should be cherished and celebrated (in our case with a chocolate bar and hot chocolate with squirty cream).
Farewell, for now, I am off to play Rocket League with my oldest.
Dadspie
So as I say we never know what is going to happen from one day to the next. Well, I say that but really a number of things are virtually guaranteed. A phone call from school, at least one meltdown, several arguments of varying severity and a whole lot of worry.
I have been mulling over creating a blog for a while but have not really known when to start. A recent trip back home to the UK with my younger son? First week back at school for my eldest son and consequent suspension? Or the endless arguments between my daughter and her friends? But I have been keen to make this blog a positive experience, because who wants to sit and read me whinging about the shit that goes down in Asperia, right? Well let's face it there is going to be plenty of that but how about we start with a good day....... (its only 4.00pm, I don't want to tempt fate it could all go wrong yet. So let's say a 'good morning'.
To set the scene we were at our Sunday morning football matches (this is UK football or soccer as people call it in our home of Australia). Both the older two and myself play for a local club and I coach the eldest one's team. This season going to watch the kids play football has become a family event (much to the disgust of the youngest who wants to do nothing apart from watch Stampy videos on the ipad). So what was so great about this morning? (Keep up at the back.....please remember I said 'good' and not 'great'. I don't want to go over board). Well, what was so good about today was that it felt like a morning of football in neuro typical land. A short holiday for us from Asperia and all its special attractions. Asperia is, as I am sure you have fathomed, taken from Aspergers which is a now somewhat outdated sub strand of Autism but to my mind the best descriptions of the goings on in my house. So with your blessing, I am going to continue to use it to name the world in which we make our home.
So this morning was a short but refreshing trip to what we imagine normality to be like. Although I also understand that normal worlds are inhabited by many of the things that we in Asperia like to call our norms. I know this because people tell me this often in an attempt to make me feel less like a tourist in a foreign land I suppose.
Anyway, the reason today was good was that both kids went to football played well, listened to their coach at half time and pre and post game, joined in with the other players, shook hands with the opposition. My eldest boy also scored a goal, won the game and sung the song in the circle with his arms around the rest of the team. This was all done with a minimum of bickering and fighting (mainly because we have just bought in new and tougher consequences whereby the scared screen time is diminished for such behaviour, and in Asperia nothing shall interfere with sacred screen time (yes, yes, I know just like in most houses).
Not the most devastating outcomes that humankind has achieved I will concede but here in Asperia mornings like these don't come along very often and should be cherished and celebrated (in our case with a chocolate bar and hot chocolate with squirty cream).
Farewell, for now, I am off to play Rocket League with my oldest.
Dadspie
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